Taking a look into my heart...

Oh, the stories I could tell! ;) I know things have been pretty quiet here on the blog, and there have been all sorts of reasons, some of them fairly dramatic.

Back on August 23 (first day of school!) I had scheduled a doctor appointment for myself, specifically to check out a sore knee. While there, my pulse & blood presure were both high - I knew that life had been exceptionally crazy and I didn't think much of it. The doctor was concerned and we did an EKG. After confirming that I was *not* having a heart attack, I was told to monitor my BP for a week, plus come back for a follow-up EKG. Did so, and there was a minor irregularity; the doctor recommended that I have an echocardiogram (heart ultrasound). My first thought was, "Wow, I'm sure thankful that we have good insurance so we don't have to pay for all this!" Obviously, I was not overly concerned. Anyway, I had the test done, and received a call from my doctor on Friday, Sept 3. There was an abnormality with my aorta that could potentially lead to aortic dissection; I would need need a CT scan to get a better look at my heart.

I was still relatively calm after talking to my doctor... until I googled aortic dissection. I then sat in front of my computer sobbing. I called my hubby and couldn't even get a complete sentence out. I tried to pray and just kept breaking down. I grabbed my Bible, and looked up "broken hearted" in the concordance. Read a lot from Psalms. Calmed down and just keep praying. On a "perfect God timing" note, the Bible study that I had started the prior week had run out of books and the shipment was late. I had picked up my book late on Thursday afternoon and had planned to start reading that night, but it didn't happen. On Friday afternoon, I pulled out my book and started reading:

"No matter how strong our bodies, minds and emotions may appear, unless we have spiritual tenacity and resolve, we will not be able to run the course God has laid out before us... It is one thing to say that Christ has first place in our life; it is quite another to put those words into practice... During this week, we are going to learn more about Jesus, the One who is altogether faithful and completely worthy of our trust."

The scripture reading was from Colossians 1 - verse 17 in particular jumped out at me: He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Amen! Anyway, it was a very emotional weekend. I just kept praying and reading Scripture and trying really hard not to think about the logistics of recovering from heart surgery or motherless children. Sunday morning, the chorus to the last song had the line, "What would You do with my heart?" and it was such a challenge to me - Was I truly letting Him have it all?!

I had the CT on Wednesday, and then had to wait to hear results... Finally received the call on Friday morning, and the doctor let me know that everything was fine. I don't know if there was a mistake on the echo or if I've experienced miraculous healing, but I do know that God is in control of it all. And while I *know* this, the events of the past few weeks have provided a very vivid lesson that I pray I do not easily forget. I'm excited to continue the Bible study and see what other lessons God has in store for me.

And on another note, I have lost 6 pounds in the last 2 1/2 weeks!! Let me tell you, committing to eat healthier has been a challenge, and it's only through HIM that I was able to get through the past week without inhaling every food in our house...