Gray...

I'm feeling very discouraged today. It's been building for awhile, and for a number of reasons (although all pretty inconsequential). Of course I'm still "up" when I'm around others, so it's really my hubby and kids that are taking the brunt of it. I'm reading Scripture, but it's just not energizing me. I'm praying, but often the words just seem to bounce off the ceiling. No, I don't think I'm clinically depressed (although the thought has crossed my mind as there is some family history). But I'm definitely going through a gray time. I pulled out a twenty year old CD and was listening to "Healing Touch" by Russ Taff this morning:

I stare at the door, trapped in a dream
Held like a captive by what people see
On the outside
They don't really know
And even with You, I deny what is real
The loving truth is a painful touch
When guilt is all you feel
I want to run away
You've got to help me stay

Your healing touch, to know Your love
Just to feel Your strength in me again
The rivers are deep where they're flowing
They're rolling through me
I want to be free

Shades of the truth, locked up in lies
Days run into days, when I open my eyes
See how far it's gone
Where do things go wrong?
Choices were made, dreams were pushed aside
Not so much a conscious thought
But resignation, a siege of the heart
But there's a part that calls to You

Bring me healing
I've got to know Your love again
I've grown weak
Let Your strength be mine again
The rivers are deep where they're flowing
They're rolling through me
You're the only one who can save me from myself

If I can make it today,
There's hope for me tomorrow
I can't make it along, I'm just not that strong
The rivers run deep where they're flowing
They all flow through You
So fill me up with Your healing

But now, this is what the Lord says...

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

- Isaiah 43:1-3 w w w w

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
This is what the wicked are like— always carefree, they increase in wealth...
Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me
Till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny...
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...
But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. w w w w Psalm 73:2-3, 12-13, 16-17, 21-26, 28