Friday, March 23, 2007

Friday Funny

I've been hearing a lot about spring cleaning these days, so thought I'd pass along these great tips:

  • Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
  • Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.
  • Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
  • Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your spouse points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
  • Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.
  • If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are dreadfully expensive."
  • If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and explain that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
  • Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
  • Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."

And last but not least...

The sign of a great housekeeper: You haven't misplaced your house once!


Joyfulheartart said...

too too funny. If I don't get away with using these, I'll blame you for the idea ok??

In Pursuit of His Call said...

You just gave away all our great housekeeping secrets, especially that 2nd to the last one...It's not easy looking tired at the end of the day when all I've done is sit around, lounged, and done nothing all day long ;) ...Too funny!!!